Drunken Stupor
by Pen Journey
Summary: Fang and Vanille challenge each other to a drinking contest. Very OOC. Rated M for the third chapter. Fourth and final chapter is up!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys. I'm back, I guess? Just for a little while I suppose. XD**

**Here's a quick little short story that I made. It isn't done yet, but it should be over the next few days.**

**It's not beta-read either, so excuse the grammatical errors. **

**Disclaimer: We all know what goes here...**

**Drunken Stupor**

**Part One: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?**

Fang stared intently at Vanille, a look of sheer determination mixed with a little bit of insanity against the younger girl's equally as determined facade. Inside Vanille's head, however, she was deeply, and utterly scared.

The two Pulsian women sat opposite each other. A small, wooden table separated the two. Small shot glasses were lined neatly on top of the table. Each glass was filled close to the brim with a strange, murky orange liquid.

Fang's lip curved into a sneer, a vain attempt to intimidate Vanille. She remained steadfast, but a small bead of sweat ran down her head. The two locked eyes, the suspense of the moment growing much more dramatic than it needed to be.

* * *

Many hours before this standoff between Fang and Vanille, the two had grown tired of their fellow companions. Hope was, well, hopeless. He was always the first one to give up and beg for a rest after a five hour hike through the treacherous landscape of Gran Pulse. Snow was always the second one to go. With him being so tall, one would think that his long legs would be able to endure his weight much longer than anyone else. But no, he too would eventually give up and join Hope. Thankfully Lightning wasn't much of a complainer, only giving out the order to take a break once night fell or after a particularly viscous fight with a monster. Sazh was just as bad as Hope and Snow though. Always complaining that he was to old to do something!

The _men, _in the group were completely useless!

Trudging through Gran Pulse took a lot out of energy out of everyone, except Fang and Vanille. Fed up with the constant complaints, and completely bored during resting periods where the others were too tired to go on, the two decided that they needed something entertaining to do.

Fang and Vanille were trapped in an intense battle of wits. They issued challenges upon each other, anything to pass the time while the others rested.

The challenges were easy to begin with. The first was a race. Fang was the victor, naturally. She was stronger and faster than Vanille, a natural born hunter. Knowing that Fang would best her in any physical contest, Vanille took things up a notch.

Fang was already leading with three points against Vanille's one. The point she earned was by winning the "Who could put the most flowers in Lightning's hair before she wakes up, and not get beaten to a pulp" challenge. It was funny really, since Fang might have had a chance to win if she hadn't decided to use the flowers with thorns on them.

The two had only narrowly escaped Lightning's barrage of gun fire. Fang and Vanille ran away from an angry and confused Lightning, the two pranksters laughing as her death threats were ignored. Lightning certainly wouldn't enact revenge of them, right?

To Vanille's dismay, Fang earned her points without any repercussions. She won the race, leaving Vanille tired and out of breath. Fang beat her in the arm wrestling competition, being able to beat even Snow. Her last point was earned when she hunted down all the cactuars to be used in the challenge they were currently doing.

Fang and Vanille lifted a shot glass up, raising it to eye level.

"What is this...this gunk?" Vanille asked. She shook the glass slightly, causing tiny ripples and waves in the orange drink.

"I told you before, right? It's cactuar juice." Fang replied, dipping a finger in the liquid.

Vanille immediately set the drink down on the table. She used a bit too much strength than she had intended, causing the whole table and the drinks on top to sway back and forth. Some of the orange liquid escaped the shot glass, landing on the gray, concrete floor below. The drop splashed onto the floor, sizzled, and then died.

Fang had spent the last few hours hunting cactuar. Their juice, infamous for their hallucination inducing qualities, a perfect candidate for the next challenge. It was a drinking contest, but the true test was to see who had the guts to actually drink the foul stuff.

"Cheers." Fang bumped her shot glass against Vanille's, and brought the rim of the glass to her lip.

Vanille followed Fang's actions, but her eyes were still glued to Fang's lips.

"Well, bottoms up."

With a sigh and a nervous gulp, the two women downed the drink. To win the challenge, they had to see who could drink the most. To Vanille, she was hoping she could drink one, and _live. _

The cactuar juice was terrible. A horrid mix of what tasted like cold medicine, hot sauce, and...cotton candy? Swallowing the last drop down, Vanille clutched her stomach, waiting for the effects to begin. Fang was having a harder time. She couldn't keep the drink down, her body rejecting the foul liquid the second it touched her tongue. She clenched her mouth shut, intent on winning. She couldn't lose to Vanille! Especially at drinking, her forte! Fang swallowed the juice for the second time, clutching her stomach before the effects took place.

Pupils dilated. Heartbeat quickened. Hands trembled. Legs shook. Sweat poured down their bodies.

Fang and Vanille locked eyes once again, breathing in ragged gasps.

_This is fine! I can totally handle this..._

Fang lied to herself, but kept the sneer plastered on her face to scare Vanille. The pig-tailed girl wasn't known to hold her liquor, despite not partaking in the act of drinking as much as the others did. Fang knew that was Vanille's disadvantage, and silently hoped that the cactuar juice was having a similar affect on her than it was on herself.

"Ha! This isn't so—"

Fang collapsed onto the ground, knocking the table laden with shot glasses filled with cactuar juice to the ground. She was out cold, the effects of the cactuar juice taking action mid-sentence. Vanille stifled a laugh, the cactuar juice beginning to affect her too.

"What was that, Fang? I guess you can't hold your liquor after—"

Like Fang before her, Vanille fell to the ground with a thud. The two girls were splayed out on the cold, hard, concrete floor. Broken shot glasses surrounded them, while a large puddle of bright, sickly orange liquid spread throughout the room.

What could possibly go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here is the next section of this short story. I'll be concluding it in the next installment. A reviewer asked for yuri, so I suppose I'll save that for the final installment. **

**Umm...what else should I say...? Oh, right! This part is very, very, very strange. If you forgot, Fang drank the cactuar juice, which gives her hallucinations. I wrote this part strange, because, well, Fang is as high as a spaceship right now. Fang is on an acid trip the likes she has never seen before. She learns a valuable lesson: Never drink the cactuar juice. **

**Reviews are always appreciated, I'll try to respond to all of you :D I've got plenty of other one-shots that will be sporadically released as time goes on. It'll be probably be in between chapters of my main story, Awake. **

**Rated T? For drug usage, and curses. **

**Drunken Stupor**

**Part Two: F'ing Cactuars**

* * *

Fang's mind was gone before her body hit the floor.

Those rumors that cactuar juice can cause hallucinations. Well, they're just rumors right? Most of the time rumors don't come out to be true...right? People create rumors as jokes, don't they? Well, those people must've never tried to prove a rumor.

Fucking Cactuars.

* * *

_Fang walked inside the club, not entirely sure how she got there in the first place. Wasn't she just in that house, drinking shots of cactuar juice with Vanille? Fang had a trouble piecing together the pieces. She had no remembrance of how she had gotten here, or why there was a club out in Gran Pulse in the first place. _

_From the outside, the place was a massive warehouse. A large, disgusting, gray, warehouse. Windows were shattered and hastily repaired with duct tape and planks of wood. The nails were so rusted that the lightest summer breeze could release the wood attached to the window. The walls of the building were old, worn down, and covered in a healthy coating of graffiti art. _

_Surrounding the warehouse was a vast and empty plain. Seemingly going on forever, giving Fang the idea that this warehouse was placed right in the middle of nowhere. There seemed to be no noticeable life around the warehouse. No animals or trees. Fang was the only living being outside this seemingly massive warehouse. The dimensions of the building itself was impossible to discern. It just seemed to be going on until Fang's vision blurred._

_Fang had a terrible headache. When she stared at something for too long, her vision would blur, and she'd feel an intense, angry, throbbing pain in head. Her body felt mushy and weak. Fang almost couldn't summon the energy to continue. She couldn't recall getting up, leaving the house, and physically walking around until the warehouse came into view. _

_Vanille wasn't with her, so she must've already been inside. Some form of techno music was playing from inside. It was only a lesser, muffled sound to Fang from outside the building. Opening the double-doors, the music intensified. The loud, pumping beats and noises just made things worse. Her headache became much more painful. _

_The club was dark, with the exception of a series of disco balls hanging by the rafter to illuminate the place. It seemed smaller on the inside than it did on the outside. Regardless of the size, the place was packed. Fang stumbled through crowds of people she didn't recognize, going aimlessly to try and find something to tell her why she was there in the first place. Passing by person after person, Fang couldn't help but notice that everyone seemed to glance at her, as if she was out of place. _

_Fang closed her eyes briefly, feeling a breath of fresh air brush against her skin. _

_Opening her eyes, she noticed that the building had changed, slightly. Fang was in a long hallway, a few small groups of people here and there. The groups chatted to each other quite loudly, filling Fang's ears with a buzzing drone. She paid no heed to what the people were talking about, but whenever she passed by a group of people, they would immediately stop talking to glance at Fang, before returning to their original conversations. Fang didn't care so much that she was being the object of so many eyes, she kept her stride, almost eager to leave the hallway. _

_Through her peripheral vision, Fang thought she had seen Vanille in one of the groups. Her head snapped to the left, trying to catch a glimpse of the redhead. She saw a few people huddled around a water pipe, taking turns to breathe in the smoke. Fang chalked it up to her mind playing tricks on her, and resumed walking. _

_The hallway ended at a door. Through the door, a small balcony had somehow materialized into existence. Looking back, the door had vanished, replaced with the rest of the barren wall. The place was too dark to figure out the color, but that detail wasn't all too important to Fang. _

_The balcony allowed others to view the great dance floor below. A single, massive disco ball lit up the entire room. Small tiles each flowing a different color were randomly placed on the floor. Giant speakers blasting that same techno song were located at different parts of the dance floor, so everyone could hear the song. _

_All the way at the end of the room, opposite of Fang, the DJ worked on the small stage. The DJ was higher up than the others, allowing him to see all the dancers. On the far right of the room, Fang could spot a bar. _

_From the looks of things, it seemed that the only way to move further would be to step onto the dance floor, but there was a problem with that. Fang was located on the balcony, high above the dance floor. With no way to get down, she was certainly trapped. The height was to steep to jump, leaving that out of the question. _

_Tapping her fingers against the railing, Fang closed her eyes once again. It seemed, in a way, that fate was on her side. The balcony as a whole started to descend like an elevator. Fang was surprised at first, her hands immediately leaving the railing, but with everything else that's already happened, Fang just played along. _

_Might as well let nature take its course, yeah?_

_Thankfully the loud, blasting techno music was blocking out the grunting on the dance floor. Wait...Grunting?_

_Fang looked around. She realized, at that moment, that there wasn't any human's other than herself on the dance floor. All around her, great Behemoths standing on their hind legs were dancing to the music. They weren't just dancing, Fang could see Behemoths, male and female alike, grind and bump against each other. Others were fist pumping (Or claw pumping, really) into the air with the rhythm of the beat. _

_What startled her more, was that Fang actually saw a female Behemoth. She never saw a female Behemoth before, hell, she never even knew they had genders! _

_Thoroughly disturbed at the sight, Fang was happy that the song had finished. The dancing Behemoths had stopped, and a large screen flickered on behind the DJ. The screen showed a larger version of the DJ, which, to Fang's half-astonished face, wasn't that normal either. _

_A full grown, fluffy and feathery chocobo was behind the mixing table. The chocobo was sporting a pair of black shades and a black cap on its head. A microphone was attached to the mixing tables, allowing the chocobo-DJ to speak, or well, caw._

"_Evening, gents!" spoke the chocobo-DJ, oddly sounding like Sazh with a more polite tone._

"_I, DJ Loco Choco, would like to welcome you all to Halluci-Jen's Club and Bar! I'll be mixing some totally ill beats all night, so I better find you gents on the dance floor!" _

_The chocobo placed its beak to the spinning disks, starting another blasting techno song. _

_Fang took a step back, finding that the more she wanted to continue going, the crazier things got. She continued to move, until she fell to the ground from bumping into one of the dancing Behemoths. The giant, green-skinned Behemoth looked down on Fang's fallen body. Moving its ugly face past her area of personal space, the Behemoth sniffed at Fang. He sneered, growled, at picked up Fang by the throat, effortlessly with a single hand. _

"_H-hey! You wanna piece of me, huh?" Fang challenged the Behemoth, but she was still struggling in his grasp._

_The beast moved in close, and sniffed Fang again, taking in her scent. The Behemoth made a mix of a growling and rumbling sound from its belly. It sounded like it was laughing._

"_Hur, hur, hur. I like the feisty ones." The Behemoth spoke. It sounded more like a grunt, but Fang could strangely figure it out._

_Fang continued to struggle against the beasts grasp. He laughed again, and tightened his grip around Fang's much smaller neck. _

"_Hur, hur, hur, hur. Still trying to fight, eh? Well I'm gonna beat ya, and then I'm gonna eat ya! How does that sound, little girly?" _

_Fang couldn't reply, containing what precious air she had in her lungs remaining. _

"_That's what I thought. Now, how about we go som-"_

"_Let the girl go, Behemoth!" a strangely familiar voice from an unknown located spoke out._

_The Behemoth turned behind him, dragging Fang with him. His grip softened, allowing Fang enough room to breathe. Her eyes caught the one who saved her. _

_Hope. _

_Dressed in an outrageous purple fur coat, a matching purple top hat, and a black cane resting at a gloved hand, Hope stood silently before the Behemoth and Fang. A crowd of scantily clad girls were surrounding him, hanging onto his arms. The music had stopped, and everyone on the dance floor, including DJ Loco Choco, were staring at Hope, Fang, and the Behemoth. _

"_What if I don't let the girl go, twerp?" the Behemoth said, sending a wad of spit to the floor before Hope._

_The silver-haired teen smirked. He stepped forward, shaking off the crowd of ladies hanging onto him. He slowly and carefully took off his purple fur coat. The coat, the cane, and the gloves were all taken away by one of the girls. Hope took off his top hat, and threw it aimlessly into the surrounding crowd. The cries and screams of excited girls came from the area where the hat landed. _

_Hope stood there, dressed somewhat out of the ordinary, (As if he wasn't out of the ordinary already) and smiled coyly at the Behemoth. He was dressed in black dress pants, and a striped shirt with a tuxedo jacket over it. Someone took a picture. _

"_If you don't," Hope began, rubbing his hands together rather calmly. "I'm going to put a Glock in your mouth and make a brain slushy."_

_The crowd erupted into a burst 'Oooooh!' and 'Aww, snap!' but Hope payed no heed. The Behemoth roared at Hope, dropping Fang altogether. The Behemoth made his away across the dance floor to stop before Hope. He towered above the silver-haired teen, but the boy wasn't scared._

"_Do you want to fight me, little man?" The Behemoth asked, challenging Hope, who nodded in return._

"_We're going to fight like real men!" _

_Hope's head snapped to DJ Loco Choco. _

"_With a dance contest!"_

_The crowd formed a circle around Hope and the Behemoth, slowly chanting along to force the Behemoth into a dance contest. He agreed, and the music started playing again._

_By now, Fang was completely disturbed and confused by what was happening. She waded through the crowd of Behemoths and scantily-clad women fighting over Hope's hat. She just needed to get away from it all. _

_Fang's eyes caught the bar at the far side of the dance floor, and hoped that she could figure out what the hell was happening. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Well here ya go, the final installment of Drunken Stupor. As always, reviews are appreciated. Thanks for all of y'all who favorited and subscribed to me and this story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.**

**This part is just as weird as the last, since Fang is still hallucinating. All this time, you might be wondering "What is Vanille hallucinating about?" Well, that shall be answered as well.**

**Some people requested yuri, so, I present to you, Fanfiction, Pen Journey's first yuri fic. It's my first smutty fic in general too. I'm a yuri virgin in terms of writing. XD**

**I doubt it is that good, so I'd like to hear some feedback about that part. Since it was my first time writing about it, I'd like to know how I did. I still wrote the smutty scene's in a weird, drugged up kinda way.**

**By the way, this story hasn't been beta-read either, so excuse the grammatical errors.**

**Rated M for hawt girl on girl action.**

******Drunken Stupor**

******Part Three: The Bar**

* * *

Lightning sat calmly on a chair. About an hour ago, she heard a lot of loud thumping noises in the small metal trailer-like building. Straying from her original path where she would take watch, Lightning walked into the tiny building. Without having to use any complicated investigative skills, she could quite easily tell what was going on. Fang and Vanille were on the floor of the building, their bodies drenched in some mysterious orange liquid. The floor of the room was covered in shards of glass that she assumed were once glasses used for drinking.

Staying in her seat, she silently wondered how Fang and Vanille had even gotten into this type of situation. Those two were playing pranks and tricks on the others all day, herself included, and she didn't like it. Not one bit. She was already angry at Snow, like she usually is, but trying to deal with Fang and Vanille made her completely forget about Snow.

If _Fang _hand not placed flowers with thorns in her hair, maybe Lightning's face wouldn't have been bloody. A light bulb flickered inside her, and she remembered why she was angry at Snow in the first place.

"_Don't be all angry at Fang and Vanille for doing that, Light."_

"_Oh shut up, Snow. Now unless they want to make friends with my sword, they better back off."_

"_Sheesh. Calm down. Hey, at least you smell good."_

Lightning remembered punching Snow for that. After replaying the scene in her mind, she thought he deserved another.

Her eyes went to the mysterious orange liquid. At seemingly random times, the liquid would sizzle. Steam would rise up from the floor, making it seem that the substance was slowly melting the floor.

Lightning looked at Fang and Vanille next. Fang was now lying down on her stomach, half of her face covered in the orange liquid. Vanille had climbed on top of her, muttering something about candy. Both of them were clearly out of it. They were probably drunk, Lightning reasoned. She stood up, ready to wake them up. There were things to do, and only a limited time to do them after all. A little voice at the back of her mind, however, spoke out to Lightning.

The voice told her to not wake Fang and Vanille, but to wait, and see how things turn out.

* * *

_The bar at Halluci-Jen's was a quaint looking place. It was small, with a curved counter with only about four stools stretched around. There were shelves of various drinks, most indescribable or unknown to Fang. A tiny overhanging grate was attached to the wall above the bar, where a number of glasses hung upside down. Everything was spotless. From the dozens of glasses hanging overhead to the various types of liquor on the shelves, and the counter, everything was clean and sparkling. Someone obviously took pride in their work. _

_Fang took a seat, giving a slight acknowledgment to the woman on the stool next to her. She didn't pay much attention to the person who was here before her, Fang just wanted to relax. Trying to figure out what the hell was going on was her prime concern. She tapped her fingers against the counter, silently trying to call the bartender over, who had seemingly vanished. _

"_Would you like something to drink, miss?" an unknown voice asked, unassumingly from the bartender._

"_Yeah. Gimme a cactuar juice on the rocks. No umbrella." the woman next to Fang responded._

_Fang's head snapped up, hearing the woman's request. She was thinking of ordering a drink for herself, but the bartender had already vanished. Fang turned her head to the woman next to her, receiving a confused look when she was caught staring._

"_Sup?" the woman asked._

_The woman looked at Fang now. She was tall, probably only a little shorter than Fang herself, with black hair tied into a knot. She was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans. Her brown eyes flickered and looked away, bored. Realizing that the woman had asked her a question, Fang decided that instead of sitting there like an idiot, she could actually respond. _

"_Huh? Oh...Nothing much. You?" Fang asked, her head turned to look at the rows of liquor bottles neatly placed on the shelves._

"_Eh. Nothing. Weird place, right? I never knew Behemoths could dance." _

"_Yeah...Hey, didn't you ask for a cactuar juice?" _

_The woman smiled and nodded. _

"_You do know that they give hallucinations, right?" _

_For a moment, Fang thought she shouldn't have said that. She was having a hallucination from the cactuar juice after all. Why bother, right? But the woman simply gave a knowing nod. For a moment, Fang was actually curious to see how the woman would take the drink. _

"_The name's Journey, by the way. Yours?" the woman asked, taking the drink that the bartender handed to her. _

"_Fang. Why are you drinking the cactuar juice?"_

_Journey laughed, taking out a small clear, plastic tube. Screwing off the cap, she revealed the contents to Fang. _

"_Cinnamon. Everyone knows that with a little cinnamon, the hallucinogenic inducing qualities are nullified. It makes the drink ten times better, too." _

_After sprinkling a tiny pinch of the spice into the drink, the previously orange liquid turned into a misty blue. Journey got up, gave a slight nod to Fang and the bartender, and then left without allowing Fang to respond. _

_Watching the strange woman vanish from sight, Fang's eye caught something else intriguing. A large green Behemoth was being carted out of the club on a stretcher. It was bloody, cut up, and bruised all over. People and other Behemoths boo'd and spat at the wounded beast. When the Behemoth too vanished out of sight, the crowd burst into cheers. Apparently Hope had won the dance contest. The silver-haired teen simply strode off, strangely full of confidence, back to his couch. The horde of nearly naked girls following his every step. _

_Turning her head back to the bar, Fang was actually surprised that the bartender didn't vanish. A young pink-haired woman stood behind the counter, making circles with a washcloth in hand over a glass. She looked at Fang and smiled. She looked familiar, as if Fang had seen her somewhere before. _

"_Would you like something to drink?"_

"_Nah. I'm not in the mood for a drink anymore. Thanks though...Serah." Fang replied, leaning in to see with woman's name tag. _

_Serah nodded and walked away. Fang's eyes scanned over the bar one last time, finding nothing else new to look at. As if her wish had been answered, Fang felt the presence of someone nearby. Her head turned to the left, her eyes resting on the visage of Lightning sitting on the stool next to her. The strawberry blonde gave a slight nod of acknowledgement to Fang. _

_Fang took note that Lighting was smoking a cigar, the cylinder of tobacco leaves held in between her fingers. Lightning sighed, exhaling a cloud of gray smoke. The cloud of smoke enveloped Fang's face for a moment, resulting in a fit of coughing. _

"_Oh. So sorry, madam." _

_For a moment, Fang thought it was Lightning talking to her. No, Lightning didn't have such a deep voice. She stopped putting too much thought into things. It was all one crazy hallucination, so weird things were bound to happen. _

_The smoke cloud remained, floating a few feet away from Fang's face. The cloud swirled in upon itself and took shape. A large cat appeared out of the smoke. It's gray-ish blue fur and black stripes weren't as strange as the fact that it was floating, of course, but the large, sparkling green eyes and mischievous grin seemed interesting enough. The cat hovered around Fang, it's eyes never leaving her, but the grin remained where the cat originally was. _

"_Snicker snack." the cat whispered, and then vanished like all the overs. _

_Fang nearly banged her head against the counter._

"_Screw it! I can't take it anymore! I'm outta here."_

_Fang stood up abruptly, nearly knocking over the stool. Storming out of the bar, she simply went wherever her feet were taking her. She felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Her legs worked on auto-pilot, while her mind was flooded with other emotions. _

_Strangely, while walking, Fang felt the slightest touch of something on her thigh. She stopped moving for a moment, and looked around. No one was around, so she continued moving, but the feeling remained. _

_She felt something brush her thigh again, and a tugging sensation at her clothes. Fang kept moving, but her eyes cautiously scanned the surroundings. No one was around her, and there was no breeze, so what was giving her these sensations? With a blush on her face, Fang made her way back to the balcony-elevator. _

_Fang felt something tug at her shorts, and a warm, wet yet slimy...thing run down her buttocks. The sensation sent shivers down her spine and her fingers and toes felt all tingly. _

_Fang felt violated, knowing that someone, or something was touching her. Worst of all, she couldn't even see it. With only the sensual touches to determine what was going on, Fang wanted to leave this hallucination as fast as possible!_

_She felt her shorts being tugged again. What felt like a hand was placed over her mons, gently rubbing while another hand was busy fondling a butt cheek. The warm slimy thing was still moving over and around her rear, adding to the overall stimulation. _

_If it wasn't so damn creepy, Fang might've actually enjoyed it. _

_The constant attention to her lower areas made it hard for Fang to stifle a moan. She reasoned that the wet slimy thing was a tongue, and that someone was licking her. The hands and tongue grew hasty, their actions moving from simple touching to...something else. _

_Her body refused to move. Acting on a mind of its own, it seemed that it wanted Fang to receive pleasure from this unknown presence. The hands moved lower to caress her vulva, fingers lightly opening the lips. A single digit slipped in, moving back and forth slowly at first, but gaining speed._

_The act in itself was strange, but as the sensations grew more and more pleasurable, Fang found herself oddly turned on by this 'invisible lover'. Simple sliding turned into thrusts, as a second and third finger entered her. She almost felt ashamed, but the invisible fingers inside her swayed Fang back into enjoying it. Her nerves were on fire, and each touch sent electricity through her body! The tongue had returned, giving attention to Fang's clitoris. The invisible tongue slid, licked, and teased Fang with deliberately slow strokes. She sniffed, her arousal clearly evident around her. She found herself glad that no one was around to watch her squirm at every merciless touch. Fang let one groan escape, and felt the fingers inside her withdraw from her core. Invisible fingers, slick with Fang's juices, rubbed against her cheek. Smearing the evidence of Fang's arousal onto her lips, the invisible fingers forced her to taste herself. _

_The tongue had returned between her legs. It flicked out, testing and tasting Fang. Invisible lips and tongue brush against her in soft movements, determined to follow through with the act till its end. The tongue entered, moving in and out erratically, not following any particular pattern or pace, but brought Fang time and time again to the verge of total shutdown. She rocked her hips against the tongue, moaning like she's at risk of losing herself completely. Each time her heart thuds inside her chest Fang believes it might really break free as the tongue slides inside her one final time, bringing Fang over the edge._

* * *

Vanille rolled off Fang, her body aching and refusing to leave its state of relaxation. Her little game had worked out without a hitch! Giggling about how her cunningness and how she had Fang completely fooled, Vanille had a smile on her face. Vanille couldn't help but lick her lips, enjoying who she had conquered.

She yawned, rubbed her hands against her eyes, and looked at Fang. Vanille stifled a giggle, watching Fang moan and groan and squirm around on the floor, naked from the waist down. Vanille knew she would never know.

No one else was in the room at the time, so the large puddle of cactuar juice was still sizzling on the cement floor. Trying to hide a blush, Vanille slowly stood up, and began cleaning up. It wasn't until the mess was nearly gone, that Fang had conveniently awoken.

* * *

Fang yawned slightly, moving her body into a sitting position. She stopped short, noticing the wetness between her thighs, along with the sudden lack of clothing. She gave a curious look to Vanille, who returned the face with her own questioning gaze.

Suspicious, Fang chalked it up to the hallucinations.

_Maybe that cactuar juice wasn't all that bad after all._


	4. Chapter 4

Hey, everyone! Finally, after months of being away, I have returned...for now. I've been busy with life and all, but I'll be trying to update my other stories as the months go on. This is the final chapter in this short story. :(

Depending on time zones, this might be the first fic of the new year!

I hope you enjoy what I wrote, and happy holidays and happy new year!

**Drunken Stupor**

**Chapter Four: How Devious!**

* * *

Lightning stared out onto the vast white expanse of the rolling hills surrounding Oerba. Her arms were resting upon a strip of metal railing, now rusty and cold with age. She sighed to herself, on the verge of losing herself in her own thoughts.

They had made it! All six of them together on Pulse, and with a good amount of time remaining on their l'Cie brands. If only that could actually count as some consolation. Still, Lightning was astounded. How a whiny teenager, an idiot, an old man, two children, and herself managed to fight against all odds and revolt against the corrupt Cocoon government was no small feat.

But this was only the beginning. The six l'Cie still had so much to do, so much ground to cover, and a limited amount of time to do it. Lightning, the self-appointed leader, had enough burdening her, and what was to come only stressed her out more.

She wouldn't stand for insubordination. No, being trained in the Guardian Corps certainly wouldn't allow that. She could handle Snow, a few insults or punches were enough to get him back in line, and his skills in combat were too good to deny. Sazh was decent. The older man wasn't much of a problem, and took orders nicely. He also kept watch over the others, his wise, knowing gaze understanding that Lightning couldn't handle everything on her own.

Hope, her little protégé, had progressed superbly on the field of battle. Being a teenager however, got the better of him. Lightning found herself amazed that the fourteen year old could still worry about hormones when the chances of dying were so high. There was more then one time that Lightning had caught Hope eyeing her, however an encounter with Fang and her camera two weeks ago had straightened the silver-haired boy out.

Which leaves Fang and Vanille, the two children Lightning had to "babysit". The pair had grown increasingly rowdy over the past few days, resorting to pranks for entertainment. Lightning grazed the trail of tiny dot-like cuts around her ears and head with a gloved hand. The blood had stopped trickling by now, the diminutive cuts taken care of thoroughly since Lightning was still cautious about Oerba's local plant life. Their prank had involved seeing who could place the largest amount of flowers in Lightning's hair before she woke up. The intimate invasion of her personal space was enough to anger her, but Fang's decision to grab the flowers with prickly thorns on them brought Lightning to her boiling point.

Fang's rebuttal of Lightning's accusation just made things worse. The strawberry blonde silently swore to herself that she'd get revenge, and oh would she ever...

Lightning just couldn't wait to wipe Fang's shit eating grin off her face...

It was then that Sazh had coincidentally arrived. The retired pilot gave a simple nod and leaned against the railing, the smooth breeze rustling his afro. The pair stood a decent ways apart; Lightning assumed that Sazh had probably come up here to relax in silence. They stood quietly on a stone walkway on the far edge of the Pulsian village. Without any C'ieth in the area anymore, anyone could stroll up here at their leisure.

The better part of an hour passed, the sun drooping low in the sky, lighting the heavens with a spectacular mix of reds, oranges, and pinks. The pair couldn't help but stare in awe at the beautiful scene until the sunset finally ended, and night began.

"So..." he began, turning to Lightning even though she remained statuesque. Sazh could sense how awkward the situation was, and resorted to rubbing the back of his neck. Lightning took notice of the lack of Sazh's chocobo.

"Do you ever think that there's someone else out here? You know, some trace of civilization? It's been centuries since we, uh, Cocoon I mean, had been in contact with Pulse...and..."

Forming the sentence was difficult at best, Sazh trying to ease the tension that was radiating off Lightning. She could piece it together of course, but Lightning's mind was off in other places. She turned to face Sazh, her arms stretched across her chest and trademark scowl upon her face. The wind blew a few stray hairs of pink across her face, but Lightning didn't seem to mind. As the sky darkened, Sazh couldn't quite see the glint in Lightning's eyes.

"It hasn't crossed my mind." she replied quaintly. "The Steppe is mostly isolated by the deep ravines surrounding it, and there's no signs of any buildings in sight around Oerba. Just more crystal dust..." she let her voice trail on, her eyes shifting to catch a view of a wind turbine. After five hundred years it was in a decent condition. From what Lightning could discern from it, it could function properly with only a few tweaks.

"Yeah, yeah." the older man sighed. Age was beginning to catch up on him. "At first I was concerned with how Fang and Vanille would take it. Oerba is desolate; we had not seen another human, dead or alive, since we reached Pulse..."

Lightning nodded silently. "I know, but we shouldn't be concerned with that, if Fang and Vanille don't seem to be. We've got a mission to complete, and millions of lives are at stake, but it seems the only thing those two want to do is play pranks one us while we make our way through Pulse!"

Sazh could almost feel the anger and annoyance from Lightning, more so than usual. He chuckled knowingly, and slowly made his way over to her. "Those two kids have been nothing but trouble if you ask me. Someday someone is going to teach them a lesson-"

"-And I plan to be the one to do it." Lightning interjected. As Lightning bent her head down, Sazh could almost make out a small smile on her lips. He raised an eyebrow, obviously curious to the soldier's intentions. From the few short weeks he had known the girl, he didn't think she would lower herself to get back at someone like that.

"Well, let's hear it. I have had my own share of pranking in my day, and I have been pranked before."

Lightning looked back at Sazh, the spark in her eye now clearly evident. A hand went into a pocket, rummaging around for a scrap of paper she handed to Sazh. The older man took a glance, did a double take, and smirked. He didn't think Lightning could be this devious.

"I'm in. Just tell me what to do."

As the moon began its long ascension into the night sky, Lightning and Sazh began to discuss the finer points of the soldier's plan. They spent most of the night going over every possible scenario, alternative possibilities, and the tools for the job until the plan was perfected. A small smirk stretched across Lightning's face as she looked at the camera in her hand. It was only a matter of time...

* * *

Fang yawned and stretched her arms to the ceiling, utterly bored watching Snow and Hope's game. Usually she'd be off fighting C'ieth, hunting for food, or picking fights with her "esteemed" leader. Lately however, with Oerba clean of the taint of the C'ieth, and enough food supplies to last a few weeks, Fang was left to her own devices. Which usually meant trouble for anyone around her, besides Vanille of course.

Fang grinned like a cat who caught a mouse trapped between its paws. After the little incident with Vanille, a few shots of cactuar juice, and herself, the two Pulsians had taken their relationship to the next level. The pair distanced themselves from drinking anymore of that foul orange liquid, a strange mix of hot sauce, cold medicine, and cotton candy. With that out of the equation, Fang and Vanille had gone off many a night to have their fun, disturbing Lightning's nightly watch when she saw the two with disheveled clothes and unkempt hair...and the obvious odor of sex. And to Fang's delight, Vanille was insatiable.

Lightning personally didn't care much for it, as long as Fang and Vanille's relationship did not jeopardize the mission. However their pranking had gone out of hand. Fang would typically resort to playing tricks on others, often dragging Vanille into it as well. But with Vanille out today, Fang had to find other outlets of amusement.

Which brings her here, the final resting place of all forms of enjoyment and laughter: Snow and Hope's room.

For two idiot guys, well one idiot guy and his teenage sidekick, Fang thought they would be up to something interesting. Instead, the two were playing some stupid game called Swords & Sorcery. Hope was sitting across from Snow, a paper grid map between them. Hope had a wizard hat that had stars and clouds on it, the cone making him nearly as tall as Lightning. Attached to the hat was a white beard Hope had strapped across his chin. Snow on the other hand had a simple eyepatch on, but was gently examining the six soap miniatures creepily modeled after the six l'Cie.

"Damn, Hope." Snow exclaimed, placing the soap miniature modeled after himself down on the grid map. "You got the details really well."

Snow couldn't help but feel a little disturbed towards Hope, and glanced over to Fang who was hanging upside down on the bed looking at the two as if she was in anguish. Hope tried to hide his blush under the beard and shrugged his shoulders.

"I have a lot of time on my hands...I guess" he said awkwardly, receiving an annoyed groan from Fang.

"This. Is. So. Fucking. Boooooooring!" she sighed flicking the back of Snow's head from her laid down position.

"Alright, let's get back to the encounter Hope. So I had just slayed the evil gnoll warlord and rescued the elves' prized pegasus, and now I'm returning to The Dark Drinker to meet...your character right?" Snow questioned, turning back to Hope who was rolling a few dice. He nodded and grabbed a sheet of paper next to a bunch of other soap miniatures and read off it.

"_As you enter the Dark Drinker, you see a wide host of characters in Alarell's local tavern. While __mostly humans occupy the bar, you can spot one or two dwarves on the far right, sharing a few drinks and keeping to themselves. A group of elves head upstairs to where the bedrooms are located. At the bar counter you see three people on stools drinking loudly and laughing. The barkeep and owner of The Dark Drinker, Morna Nightsong keeps the group well entertained. Finally a woman of striking beauty sits at the corner table far from the others, a cup of water in her hand. She's is talking to a man of unparalleled handsome...ness and strength, and she seems very interested." _

Hope stifles a cough, and places the sheet of paper on a stack of others. Snow takes a long look at the various soap sculptures throughout the fictional tavern.

"What do you do?" he asks, looking at Snow inquisitively.

"I cast Magic Missile!" Snow shouts, rolling a 20-sided dice. Hope smacks his face and sighs, doing the same action for the umpteenth time in the past half hour. "No one is attacking you, Snow! Besides, you only rolled a 9."

Snow hangs his head in defeat and moves his miniature over to the table where the woman of striking beauty and the man of unparalleled handsomeness. "Okay then, I'll talk to these two people."

Hope clears his throat and speaks again. "_You approach the man at the table. Immediately you feel awed by his awesome presence. He towers over you, covered in rippling muscle. He is clad in thick steel plates forged in the bowels of the Nightmare Realm, a large broadsword is strapped onto his back, and three ancient runes are etched across the surface. Each rune itself emanates raw, untamed power the likes you never could imagine."_

"_Judging from the man's massive biceps you know that he wields the broadsword with one hand, yet still cleaves through hordes of demons, dragons, and undead, feeding the never ending thirst for blood his weapon has. A large tome is hooked onto a belt at his waist. The tome is thick, ancient, and just staring at it makes your eyes ache and stomach lurch. Looking up you can see his thick neck, wide square chin, and an otherwise manly face. Besides the slight sign of stubble, the man is clean shaven. A small mane of silver hair flows behind him, each spike flawlessly in place." _

"_The man, nay, this god amongst men seems to stare through you with cold, unflinching eyes. Despite this, simply being near this great man seems to bolster your spirits. You realize, that by his side you can slay anything. With this man's aid, you can achieve power only outmatched by him. Noticing your meager existence, the man nods cooly, his monocle reflecting the fire's light."_

"I go by many names, young adventurer. Lord of Noridon, Savior of the Goblin Kingdoms, Slayer of the Dragon Duke's, Victor of Lucifer's Hell's Arena, Consort of the Elven Queen, and Patron Deity of the Sun. You, however, may call me Sir Hope."

The room is silent for many minutes until Fang erupts into a fit of laughter. The raven haired woman rolls on the bed, trapped in her hysterics. She knows she can't stop, and Hope's embarrassed face just makes things worse. Fang notices Snow's hanging jaw look of complete shock. Leaping off the bed, Fang begins to head to the door to get some air.

"So why does your character have a monocle?" Snow asks Hope, watching Fang go. "God, Snow! Everyone knows that every great wizard has a monocle!"

Snow looks at Hope confused. He picks up his soap model and examines it. "So if I were to have two monocles, would I-"

"That would be glasses, Snow." Hope interrupts, snickering under his breath. Snow's face flushes and he hastily grabs the figurine next to Hope's. "Well your character is next to the Lightning model! And you described her way out of character!"

* * *

Making her way outside, night's cool breeze washes over Fang. The moon rivals Cocoon tonight, and the two celestial body's illuminate Pulse well. Fang's town of Oerba looks ghostly at night, Fang feeling sadden by the realization that everyone truly did vanish centuries ago. Guilt pangs her, knowing her mistakes caused the downfall of her people, but remembering Vanille reminds Fang that she is able to rectify the past with completing her Focus in the present.

Walking down roads she knows like the back of her hand, Fang immerses herself with memories long gone. Happiness and depression show on her face, but a sudden reminder knocks her out of her trance.

Looking down, Fang notices a white card with a white rose next to it. Picking up the card, Fang notices Vanille's signature, and remembers that white roses are her favorite. The note is simple, asking Fang to follow the trail of flowers to where she'll get her "prize." Fang chuckles, immediately piecing things together. She had to admit, Vanille's new approach to sex and their relationship had Fang a little turned on.

Following the trail of flowers and arrows pointing her in the right direction, Fang stops at a clearing a little ways out of town.

"Vanille?" Fang asks, scanning the crystal dunes around Oerba. She walks around a bit, the search for Vanille providing no further clues. Suddenly, she feels a tap on her shoulder, and Fang whips around.

"Vanill-!" Fang shouts, but is quickly interrupted by a rag closing over her face, a cloaked figure capturing Fang in his arms. The figure is slightly smaller, but holds Fang up with ease.

"Shhhh. Go to sleep. It's only chloroform..." the surroundings grow darker, and Fang slips into unconsciousness.

It was morning when Fang awoke. With her senses returning, Fang opened her eyes, gazing out towards the magnificent valley before her. However what was bothering her was the strip of duct tape around her mouth the ropes restraining her wrists and ankles. Fang was tied up like a pig, trapped on the small cart she was lying on.

She noticed Vanille sitting next to her, just waking up. The redhead was in no better condition, mouth shut, and tied to the cart along with Fang. Suddenly she saw Sazh walking over, looking extremely smug. Fang's eyes widened, she growled and thrashed her head around, but the nothing was going to get her loose.

Now next to them, Sazh removed the duct tape on their mouths rather forcefully, making sure that it pained them.

"Ow!" the two women said in unison, Vanille squeaking a bit louder and nudging herself closer to Fang.

"What the hell, Sazh!" Fang spat at him, her eyes furious. The older man merely chuckled.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one who came up with the plan, I'm just the assistant. Making sure you two troublemakers learn your lesson, yeah?"

Sazh motioned himself behind the cart and pointed all the way down the steep hill. Fang gulped in slight fear.

"Well, you girls better prepare yourself!" and with a grunt, Sazh pushed the cart hard down the hill.

"Oh shit!" Fang shouted as the cart rocketed down, her voice lost in the wind. Vanille clutched onto Fang as tight as she could, screaming as the cart gained speed. Wind whipped Fang's hair into her eyes, blocking her view. Pulling her hair away, Fang noticed the barrels of ice cold water being dumped on her and Vanille from somewhere.

"Aaah! Cold! Cold!"

The water caused the cart to tilt a little, but it continued its pace down the mountain at breakneck speed. Completely drenched in the freezing water, Fang shivered, letting her fears take over. As the cart came down the hill she noticed Snow driving by on his Shiva Cycle. Grinning, he chucked large open bags of flour over Fang and Vanille. He gave a thumbs up and sped off, Hope sticking his thumb against his nose and wiggling his fingers at them as Snow drove away.

Covered in in a mixture of flour and water, Fang powered her way out the rope restraints. The sticky substance covered her and Vanille head to toe, making the task of releasing Vanille especially difficult.

"Hold on! I got ya!" she shouted before being hit by a cloud of white feathers. She felt like she was being choked, the feathers sticking themselves to the flour-water combination. Ripping feathers away, Fang coughed and breathed in a big gulp of air. Turning her attention back to Vanille she quickly untied the ropes.

Fang spun her head around, realizing at the only way to survive this encounter was to grab Vanille and jump off the cart. She hugged Vanille tightly to her and cradled her in her arms before making her attempt to leap off the out of control cart.

"Jump, Fang! Trees are coming up!" Vanille shouted, tugging on Fang's sari. Fang nodded and jumped out of the cart, spinning as she landed on the ground, making sure Vanille was unharmed.

* * *

_Ugh...fuck my life. _

Fang sighed, clearly exhausted. Making the treacherous climb back to Oerba with Vanille was taxing, but Fang couldn't bear the embarrassment coming to her when she met back up with the others.

The two were covered in feathers, looking like giant chickens. Dirt, flour, and water clung to their skin, their raggedy appearance unkempt after hours of walking.

Finally making it back to camp, Fang walked over to Snow, Hope, and the others talking to each other, sounding generally worried about Fang and Vanille until Fang showed up. Nodding to Fang and giving Sazh a mean scold, Vanille stormed off to wash herself and get the feathers off.

Fang sat down on a chair, grumbling to herself while the others broke it laughter and tears.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Just wait until I found out which one of ya did it, then we'll see who got the last laugh!"

Fang growled at each of them, forcing Snow and Hope into quietness.

"Oh come on, Fang. It wasn't so bad." Lightning said, a smirk of satisfaction on her lips. Fang snapped to attention and rushed over to the soldier, about to grab her by the collar.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." the strawberry blonde chuckled. She waved her camera in front of Fang's face, enraging her further.

"Now," Lightning began, walking around Fang, surveying the damage that was done. The feathers clung to her skin and clothing in a mismatched fashion. Her hair was in messy, dirty clumps. Fang's sari was ripped in a few places and Lightning could see a few cuts and bruises.

"Cluck like a chicken for me, Fang." Lightning ordered, sheer confidence in her words.

"Why you little bitch!" Fang spat back, receiving a waving finger from Lightning.

"Nuh-uh. I won."

"For now, anyways..." Fang mumbled and sighed in defeat.

"As I was saying, Fang." Lightning snapped a photo of Fang's face, completing the collection.

"Cluck for me."


End file.
